No, Team, No!
All right, gather around, everybody. Now, before we get out there and play, management has asked me to go over a few things with you. As you all know, this team has been receiving a lot of negative...
View ArticleDrone On!
Hello, I’m here to tell you a little bit about the exciting world of commercial drone use. When you hear the word “drone,” certain other words inevitably spring to mind—all of them positive: Global!...
View ArticleCompassion Play
House Republican leaders sent a memo this week to the entire GOP conference with talking points designed to help rank-and-file Republicans show compassion for the unemployed and explain the Republican...
View ArticleFilm Reviews by Cotton Mather
“American Hustle” ★☆☆☆☆ What dark Serpent of Hell did contrive such a Satanical tale? Greed, Lust, Intemperance, and indecently large Hairstyles comprise an Entertainment so Lewd and Sinful that a...
View ArticleL.P.D.: Libertarian Police Department
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief. “Bad...
View ArticleLegitimate Questions About the Clinton Shoe-Thrower
A number of prominent conservative media commentators suspect that Hillary Clinton faked a scene last week in which she was nearly hit by a shoe. — Huffington Post Why did Clinton seem to dodge a...
View ArticleThis Flying Car Sucks
I had pretty high hopes when I purchased my flying car. But after owning it for six days, I can honestly say it sucks. Let me get this out of the way: yes, it’s a car that can fly. Around the earth. In...
View ArticleI Switched to a Standing Desk, So Now You Should, Too
Wake up, America! Sitting all day is killing you. That’s why I switched to a standing desk, and you should, too. See the rest of the story at newyorker.comRelated:The Scariest Story Ever ToldDaily...
View ArticleFifteen Additional Republican Candidates
We’re all well-acquainted with the policies and personalities of Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Lindsay Graham, Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal, George Pataki, Rand Paul,...
View ArticleHere’s Why I’m a Proud Godzilla Supporter
Reports indicate that nuclear testing in the Pacific has somehow awakened a giant, prehistoric monster, and that this “Godzilla” is now headed for us, intent on demolishing our city. If you believe the...
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